Why I'm qualified - I'm a mobile pool nurse. For those of you that don't know what that means, please allow me to explain. I work for a hospital system that owns several hospitals. So I give the staffing coordinators my schedule for the week and every morning or evening, depending on what shift I work, they call me around five thirty and tell me which lucky hospital and what floor I'm going to be saving from being short staffed that day or night. And yes I do work both shifts, depending on the needs of the hospitals that day. So I guess you can say I'm bi. Bi-shifter, get your heads out of the gutter. I know what you're thinking; I do have a girlfriend and she is a nurse as well. Okay, maybe that's not what your thinking but whatever. You can't blame a motherfucker for trying. Enough about that though. Let's get down to business.
My whole point to this is that, since I am privileged enough to work both day and night shift, I can give you my most fairest and honest opinion on which shift is better, and why. So here goes nothing. I really hope this helps everyone. And if it doesn't then leave a comment or question so I can directly address your bitching.
Day shift - Ok so let me put it to you this way. When I go home, after working a 12 hour day shift, I have to have my feet rubbed because I haven't had a chance to sit the fuck down the whole time. Unless you count charting in the bathroom. Dropping a deuce while I chart Mrs. Smiths rushed and half assed head to toe physical assessment isn't the most ideal way to chart but I've learned to improvise. Just like I've learned to tell the charge nurse I have to go on smoke break because somehow they understand I have an addiction problem and this kind of break is excusable even though I don't actually smoke. All this being said, at least I have the option on day shift to go out after work and have dinner with family and friends like a normal human being. That is, if I wasn't so fucking tired from getting shit on for 12 hours on the day shift. All the accu checks, procedures, families, PT, RT, doctors, clergy and that fucking therapy dog, Romeo, that ate the Xanax I accidentally dropped on the floor when it popped out of its, next to impossible to open with gloves on, packaging. And why the hell is management ignoring my suggestion to give all day nurses Segways? But whatevs. Let's move on to that other shift.
Night shift - This shift starts sucking cock as soon as you get in your car to go to work. Mid day traffic has me wanting to ram my car into the car in front of me. But since I'm in stopped traffic I can't gain enough speed to do any real kind of damage because the car in front of me is only 5 inches away, so I just sit there and cry instead. Oh, and morning traffic can suck my cock to. All I want to do is go home in a timely manner so I can avoid the full intensity of the sun before it reaches the top and hurts my night shift eyes. Opposite of day shift, when I go home from a night shift I have to have my ass rubbed because I was fortunate enough to sit on it for eight out of the twelve hours. And I know you're thinking, that doesn't sound too bad but fuck yeah it is. Have you ever tried to fight the sand man from about three in the morning to the time you lay your head down in bed at home? Snug as a bug in a rug? Okay then, shut the fuck up. Not to mention the fact that I just shaved 5 years off my life for picking this shift but whatever, that shift differential is fucking worth it. And there's nothing like hanging out in Walmart at three in the morning on your days off because that's the only thing that's opened and all your friends did the right thing and picked the day shift.
So in closing win the lottery. I guess both shifts have their advantages and disadvantages. I hope that I've made your decision, at least a little bit easier. If not, you can just be bi like me and really mind fuck your Kardashian rhythm.
Peace be where you want it to be.
About Author : My name is RJ Austin. I'm an RN for over 10 years now and an author for 2. I just published my third book and still continue to work in hospitals as well. Ig @rj_austin_